I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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