So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
