Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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