Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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