yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
