the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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