Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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