Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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