DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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