She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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