Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dick very happy bro
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
