I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
