May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
