I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize