Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
