My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize