Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
