i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
