Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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