You work out of a Hotel?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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