I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
