I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize