I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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