I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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