Just cropdusted the office
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
