I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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