There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
handjob tips. give me some.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
