I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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