chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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