After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize