dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
