Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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