Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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