You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
