I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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