you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
