I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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