Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
