I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
