Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
