I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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