no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
