Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im holly from the hills drunk
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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