Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
