Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize