dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
