Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
