doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
