my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
