I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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