I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
