I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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