So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
