She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
