I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No subtext here. People are naked.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
