Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
