she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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