They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
