Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
