to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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