Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
