she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
