Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
