Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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