Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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