I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
