Sry I called you an 8
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
