dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
