I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
