yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
