I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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