If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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