I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
