I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
