Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
