I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
